Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Review: His Mafia Princess by April Zyon

Title: His Mafia Princess
Author: April Zyon
Genre/Age: Romance
Series: Family First Series (Book One)
Publisher: Evernight Publishing
Format: ebook via The Romance Reviews
My Rating: ✺
SynopsisGregorio Bosco worked his way up the ranks of The Family. He never had trouble killing, selling, or anything he was tasked to do. He'd been trained to take over for Giovanni when he stepped down, but that all changed when Alessandra was taken. She was the only good in his life, and he'd do anything in order to protect her—no matter the cost to anyone around him. 

Alessandra Morello was born into a life that she didn’t understand. She thought she was the daughter of a wealthy industrialist, however she learned it was far from the truth. She's pulled into the center of a war with Gregorio as her only constant. Her attraction for the older man has only grown over the years, but can there be a future for them in their twisted world?

This could use some work...

Image result for shaking head in disappointment gif

Gregorio is first in line for the mafia throne. Ruthless and intelligent, he really is a man you wouldn't want to cross. The Boss has been grooming him as his replacement and Gregorio wants nothing more than to take up the reins. And he is ready to saddle the boss's daughter to his side, as well.

Alessandra is living in a bubble. Personal guards always on her side, she is used to being watched over. However, it only takes a moment for that protection to falter. Soon, Les finds herself in the clutches of a rival crime family and she learns the truth about her father's criminal empire. She has to come to terms with the reality of her life and the man who wants to claim her.

I brace myself before beginning to read a novella. I remind myself that this is not a full novel and adjust my expectations as I know the story is likely to feel rushed and there will be limited character or relationship development. If I know what I'm getting, I feel that my review is more fair to the work.

Unfortunately, my problems with this novella have absolutely nothing to do with pacing or character development. Shocking, I know. I actually liked the amount of backstory and insight we got into the main characters and felt that the story moved steadily along.

My critique is with the technicality of the writing and the poor editing job. I tend to be much more forgiving for books that are self-published. I overlook most errors and try to focus on the story being told. However, if a book has been professionally published, I assume that the editing has also been properly performed. It doesn't appear to be so, in this case.

There were words repeated too close together which muddles up the reading. An inconsistency blunder is made in regards to Alessandra's age. It is mentioned that she is twenty in one instance and twenty-one in another. And even in such a short story, there were ideas that were constantly repeated, as if we might have missed it the first two or three times. Spoon-feeding a reader is impolite, in my opinion. An experienced editor or beta reader would catch these and point them out to be fixed.

Also, I found the dialogue to be almost ridiculous, at times. Men, especially those in this dangerous and greedy field of organized crime, are unlikely to sit around discussing their emotions this way. Maybe to their women but not to other men. On the other side, we have a grown woman who seems to think and speak like a teenager, completely oblivious and extremely weakened by the men around her.

Yet, I cannot completely dismiss this book, which is why I gave it two stars instead of one. The actual plot is pretty good. The characters are interesting enough and I see a lot of room for growth for Gregorio and Alessandra, especially. With a good scrub of the manuscript, this could become a much smoother read.

In closing...
I am still unsure if I will continue with the next installment of this series. If anything, the romance between Gregorio and Alessandra may be enough of a reason for me to go forward. Two suns!

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